


Dead, but Not Gone

by ElfGrove



Series: ShiroPidge Week 2016 [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Artificial Intelligence, F/M, Fate Worse Than Death, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Lion Paladin Bond, Lion Paladin Psychic Bond, No Relief, Written on the assumption the age gap is small, words said too late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 19:12:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8114155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElfGrove/pseuds/ElfGrove
Summary: There was a secret to the Lions. No one still alive knows it. Whenever they could, the Lions saved thier Paladins.ShiroPidge Week 2016 - Day 4: Angst





	

**Author's Note:**

> Concept inspired by discussions on twitter with @SarahKFetter.

“We don’t have time to mourn,” Allura drew herself up taller, even as tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. “However much we would like to. We have to go after Zarkon. We must keep pressing this advantage lest we lose it.”

Beside him, Shiro trembled even as he stood at rigid attention, eyes locked on the strange alien princess.

Matt grit his teeth, head jerking as he stared between the Paladins of Voltron. His sister’s friends. None of them were arguing. She’d talked about almost nothing but them and the Lions since they’d rescued him from the Galra work camp. They had become her entire world. She had just died to save all of them. They’d placed her body into some sort of stasis pod in the bottom of the Castleship only hours ago, and they were already preparing to continue the mission against the Galra. His tiny, brilliant, beautiful little sister would never open her eyes again and yet the people most important to her– He couldn’t–

“I thought you needed five Paladins to form Voltron,” Matt growled past a throat hoarse with crying. “You only have four.”

“We can’t form Voltron without,” Lance looked to Shiro instead of Matt, voice catching on her name. “Without  ** _Her_** , but the Lions can still fight.”

“We can’t let her death be in vain,” Keith moved in closer to the blue paladin, not touching, and yet something in the motion seeming to shore the other boy up. He took a deep breath before he managed what the other could not, “Pidge made the ultimate sacrifice so we could destroy Zarkon. I won’t let her down.”

Tears were silently running down Hunk’s face, unashamed, “She’d definitely yell at us. We didn’t spend all those hours modifying the Lions to house those trackers just to back down now.”

Matt felt his shoulders droop with realization. In the time they’d spent together, maybe these people knew what she’d want better than he did. But… He couldn’t settle on the idea of not stopping everything to grieve. The universe couldn’t just go on. Katie had died. By all rights the universe should stop in recognition of such an injustice. _He needed it to stop._

Shiro’s hand fell on his shoulder, “I know. I’m sorry. We have to. I’m sorry.”

He looked up to see the still familiar face of his friend. Under the scars and white streak of hair, this was still his friend from Galaxy Garrison. The man he suspected had been in the middle of falling for Katie.

“What we must do,” Coran added dolefully from the Princess’s side. “Is not the same as what we want to do.”

“Yes,” Allura’s voice was sad, he finally realized, not just her eyes. “Paladins, to your Lions. I will go to the Green Lion and see if she may be willing to… We will need a new Paladin as soon possible.”

“Allura, you can’t,” Coran’s rejection of the idea was softly voiced though. “Some aspects of the Castleship only respond to you.”

“We will all do what we must to defeat Zarkon. We have our duties,” Allura swept past, not waiting for the Paladins to take to their own tasks.

Matt followed behind her as she took a circuitous route to the hangar and the Paladins broke off to head directly to boarding their own Lions.

Allura spoke after a while, “You do not have to come with me, Matt. I know this is even harder for you than it is for us.”

“I want to.” He took a deep breath in and out. ‘Want to’ wasn’t the right word, but neither was 'have to’.

The Green Lion was curled up in the hangar, looking for all the world, and despite its size, like an abandoned pet. Matt’s heart broke a little more, realizing that even the machine missed Katie.

“Green Lion,” Allura addressed it formally.

The Lion raised its head to look at her. Slowly. Assessing.

Not it. Her. The two Alteans often referred to the lions as feminine. 

“I know this is difficult.” Allura spread her hands taking a step towards the Lion, “But we need a Green Paladin in order to form Voltron. Would you be willing to allow me to…”

The Lion’s head jerked upwards and back at the question, obviously rejecting the idea outright.

“Why not?”

Both Allura and the Lion turned to look at him.

It was Allura who spoke up, “The Lion-Paladin bond cannot be forced. While I can sense the Lions through my life force, I cannot communicate with the Lions directly as their Paladins can. I do not know why, only that the Lion must choose to accept me or it cannot be. It is likely our Quintessence simply does not match up as it must to form a bond.”

“And what’s the Green Lion’s Quintessence?“ He’d known there was some bond between the Lions and Paladins that defied any science he knew of, but no one had explained it to him.

"The Green Lion,” Allura looked back at the machine. “Has an inquisitive nature, and needs a pilot of intellect and daring whose enquiring mind can match her.”

“That sounds like Katie.” He looked up into the Lion’s glowing eyes, and bit his lip in silence for a long minute before voicing the thought, “What about me?”

The Lion uncurled and stood, staring at him. He could have sworn he felt shock shudder through her.

When the silent staring match went on too long, Allura spoke up, “Come Matt. It was only a possibility. I knew it was not likely to be accepted. We shall return to the control room and start making plans.”

There was a loud noise as the Lion slammed a paw down, demanding attention. She lowered her head slowly, and opened her mouth, revealing the ramp to the cockpit.

Allura gaped.

Matt felt something warm swell within him, and the feeling of surprise, acceptance, and a deep sadness seemed to flow between him and the Lion. “That’s… That’s you?”

A sense of confirmation came, and he stepped onto the ramp and walked forward until he found the cockpit and settled into a chair that had belonged to his younger sister. all around him, lights powered on and a gentle humming, almost like a cat purring settled into comforting background noise.

He placed a hand on the dashboard before him, “We both lost someone important today, huh Greenie?”

He’d heard Katie call the machine that hundreds of times. She’d mentioned that she and the Lion couldn’t communicate in words, but just now he really wished they could. He needed someone to mourn with and talk to, and the Paladins,  ** _the other Paladins_** , were busy.

“Come on you Tesla-defying hunk of,” The voice that echoed around the cockpit suddenly stopped, as if realizing it could be heard.

Matt felt his glasses slide down his nose as his jaw dropped in shock. He knew that voice.

“Matt?” Katie sounded hopeful, and slightly panicked. “Can you hear me?”

“I,” He choked on the words and had to restart. “I can hear you Katie. What’s going on? You– I thought–”

“You idiot!”

“What?!”

“I just died, and you immediately offer yourself up to be a Paladin?! What were you thinking? Mom has already lost enough family without you just,” Her voice trailed off brokenly where he would have expected sobs to start.

He leaned forward in the chair, patting the console in front of him uncertainly, wishing he could hug his sister. Comfort her. “I don’t understand. What’s happened? Where are you?”

“I’m the Lion, idiot.” Her voice was still cutting in and out as if between interference, or, he realized with slowly dawning horror, tears. “I can’t believe you’re a match for us.”

“I am your brother,” He responded with a little mirth. “But what’s happened? How do we get you out of the Lion?”

“Matt,” Her voice trailed off for a long terrifying moment and he thought he’d lost the connection with her. “I died. There’s no coming back from that.”

“I’m talking to you now. It’s some weird Altean tech thing, right? We can use the healing pods, put you back in your body…”

“The Altean tech is for preserving copies of someone’s consciousness. We’ve seen it before. It’s,” She sounded like she was remembering something painful. “It’s not the same. It doesn’t work that way. Dead is still dead for them too.”

“I’ll talk to Allura and Coran,” He started to get up. “There has to be a way.”

“No!” The cockpit door slammed shut behind him. “I’m not making Allura go through that again. I don’t think she knew… She can’t really talk to the Lions. None of us could, not like this. I wasn’t sure it was possible.”

He could feel an edge of anger coming into his voice, “You don’t think she knew what, Katie?”

“I don’t think she knew the Lions would upload our consciousness like this.”

“You didn’t do this?”

“No. Greenie did it.” Her voice wavered, “I mean, I guess I’m Greenie now, but there’s this base programming, magic, whatever. I can see it now. That’s what did this.”

“Against your will,” He growled. “Let me out of the cockpit, Katie.”

“I didn’t exactly fight it, Matt. I mean, I didn’t realize that it was happening at first, but,” Katie let the thought trail off. “I really didn’t want to die. So I didn’t fight it when I realized what was happening. It’s not Allura’s fault.”

“What am I supposed to do then?”

“Break the bond, for one. I don’t want this happening to you too, and let’s face it, you were never a fighter to begin with.”

“They need a Green Paladin to fight the guy that murdered you, Katie.”

“I need my family to  ** _live_** , Matt.”

“I’m going to talk to the Paladins about this at least. They’d want to know. Maybe Hunk and I can…”

“You **_can’t_** tell them.”

“Katie…”

“The universe needs them. They’ve been through so much already, and things are hard enough as is right now. Just,” Her voice hitched as if she were crying, although no sound of tears accompanied it. She probably couldn’t cry now. Never again. “Just wait a little while.”

“How long is this for?” Matt slumped against the door of the cockpit, refusing to sit in the chair. “There were Paladins before you, right? But you said you couldn’t talk to the Lions like this.”

“I don’t know.” Her voice trembled, making a staticy noise. “I mean, it’s possible it was all language barrier. None of us can speak or read Altean, but it’s also been 10,000 years. Maybe the last Green Paladin just sort of, faded away so there wasn’t enough left to be able to talk. Greenie was stuffed away in some jungle under a heap of vines when we found her. Not exactly ideal conditions to maintain delicate systems.”

“So you’re saying it might be forever, or at least until the next Green Paladin dies.”

There was a shaky sense of confirmation, even though Katie didn’t say a word.

“Welp, I’m definitely not going to leave you alone to that. I’m staying the Paladin.”

“Matt…”

“I’m your big brother, I’m not leaving you alone in this,” He gestured at the Lion he was sitting in, wondering if Katie could actually 'see’ him while he was inside of it. “Thing. So I guess you’re going to have to teach me how to keep up.”

“You’re impossible,” she groused, but he felt relief over the emotional bond. She had to be terrified.

“Are you sure I can’t tell anyone? I think Shiro…”

“Especially not Shiro!” He felt embarrassment well up alongside the angry frustration, and was that heartbreak? “He already blames himself for what happened to you and Dad, and for me being out here at all. I know the other Paladins need to know eventually, but not now, not when…”

“Not when losing you is so fresh?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” He patted the floor, “ ** _For now._** ”

“And Matt?”

“Yeah Katie?”

“Don’t let any of them die in the Lions.” There was a pause, “I think it might have something to do with it, so just… Don’t let them die in their Lions.”

“I won’t, Katie. I promise.”

* * *

It was a week later when he walked down to the hangar to find Shiro already there, back leaning against one of the Green Lion’s legs. The Lion was curled protectively around him, and the Black Lion curled close by, purring in the strange way that they did.

“Well, you two are getting close,” Matt teased halfheartedly.

Shiro opened one eye to glare at him in a way normally reserved for Lance, “Greenie and I are just commiserating a bit. I can get out of your way if you need…”

Matt didn’t respond at first when Shiro trailed off. He was still angry, but after becoming the Green Paladin he was suddenly handling Katie’s death better than anyone else on the ship, and he knew none of them understood why. She was still adamant that he didn’t explain yet. He stared up at her, silently wishing he could start arguing now about why they should tell him that she was still here. Sort of.

Shiro stood up, resting a hand against the Green Lion and staring up at her for a long moment before stepping away, “Sorry for intruding.”

Matt grit his teeth when he saw the tear tracks that stained Shiro’s face. This was stupid. They were both hurting so much, and while it wouldn’t really fix anything, they could at least lessen the pain. Couldn’t Katie see that? Her death had been so sudden, and it had left such a jagged wound in both of them. They didn’t have to leave things left unsaid. She could talk to him!

“Has she talked to you yet?”

Shiro stopped mid step, halfway between Matt and the Lions, his face a mask of confusion. “The only Lion I can really talk to is mine, Matt. Greenie and I just kind of understand each other a little.”

“Have you tried?” Matt was glaring at the Lion though, not at Shiro.

“Matt,” He placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “It’s fine. It wouldn’t change anything. This works.”

Up close, he could see the redness at the corners of Shiro’s eyes, and see the darkening circles under them. He wasn’t eating much at meals, and he was barely sleeping. He might not be sleeping at all.

Matt jerked away, stomping towards the Lion and wagging a finger angrily, “I know this sucks, but you should at least  ** _try_**!”

“Matt?!” Shiro’s voice sounded a little panicked, like he thought his friend had lost his mind. Matt might have entertained the idea, except Katie told him things about operating her Lion, about fixing tech she had cobbled together that there was no other way for him to know.

“He can’t hear me,” Katie’s voice came forlornly from the Lion. “I tried. I was just going to tell him to go get some sleep, but he can’t. It’s part of the bond. I think you’re the only one who can hea…”

Her voice tapered off the way it did when he knew she wanted to cry but no longer had the ability to.

His face fell. He’d thought. He’d hoped. But…

He spoke softly, “Then you have to let me tell him.”

“Matt, what’s going on?” Shiro stepped up next to him, carefully not touching him. “Are you okay?”

“No one’s okay Shiro,” He said, feeling as broken as his sister did across the Lion-Paladin bond they shared. If only he could hear her, it was that much more likely that she was right, and her mind couldn’t be restored outside of the Lion. There really was no saving her.

“I know,” He said softly. “You’ve been holding up really well, Matt. It’s okay to cry.”

He hadn’t realized he was crying. He reached up to wipe away tears. He’d been holding out hope. That he could still save Katie. That she could at least talk to everyone directly. It was all falling apart.

“I know we weren’t blood family, but we all loved her, Matt.” He looked up at the Lion, “I loved her.”

Matt felt Katie across the link, her feelings rise and then crash with understanding.

“Shiro.” Matt spoke softly, not looking at either of them, “Katie’s still here.”


End file.
